There are so many things that go into building a Major League Baseball team. Even if you started with a full system of players you had drafted and signed, there would still be coaching them up, trades, free agency. There are so many ways of acquiring players who are already pros.
But what if there weren’t?
Obviously this is just a thought exercise, but today, we’re undoing every transaction. How would every team in Major League Baseball look if it comprised only players the organization brought in from outside? The White Sox get back Fernando Tatis, the Nationals get back Juan Soto and Bryce Harper. Everyone goes back to where they started.
If you want an analytic bent to this, it’s not a terrible way to look at teams’ amateur scouting abilities. But really, this is just for fun: What would the teams look like if the general manager was handcuffed outside his office after drafts and international signings?
Overall Takeaways
Below I’ll offer up 26-man rosters for all 30 teams around the league. First, some notes and thoughts:
- I didn’t make up a single name in this space … but man, for some teams, you might think I did (looking at you, Giants infielders and A’s pitchers).
- Guys get placed with the team they first signed with, not necessarily the team that first drafted them. So if a guy was drafted out of high school but didn’t sign and went to college, only the team that drafted him out of college counted here.
- We like to say that the richest teams just break out the checkbook and that’s how they accumulate good players. And sure, that’s true (particularly for the 2023 World Series champion Rangers, who … didn’t fare well in this exercise). But also, the teams that had the best starting rosters were (I think) very clearly the Dodgers and Braves). A healthy bank account is valuable, but if you’re rich and nothing else, you end up as the Mets or Angels. You want to be rich and, you know, savvy.
- In the same vein, most of the teams that do particularly poorly in this exercise are also just really bad teams generally. That is probably informative!
- I tried to build full 26-man rosters for all these teams. I chose to do 14 hitters and 12 pitchers on each team, which is not actually how any teams do it anymore (pitcher overload for the win), but … well, no one really cares who the eighth- and ninth-best relievers a team drafted were. Also, sometimes I just couldn’t make a logical roster. Some of these teams lack a backup catcher. Some will be hoping a guy who has never played first base or shortstop can adapt to the position. We did our best!
- We’ve granted some guys health here that they don’t really have, and in a couple of cases, guys who played last year but look done now had their careers resurrected for one more theoretical ride. Just go with it. It’s fun.
Now, on to the rosters.
Arizona Diamondbacks
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Daulton Varsho | Starters | ||
1B | Paul Goldschmidt | SP | Max Scherzer | |
2B | Jazz Chisholm | SP | Brandon Pfaadt | |
3B | Geraldo Perdomo | SP | Wade Miley | |
SS | Dansby Swanson | SP | Slade Cecconi | |
LF | Jake McCarthy | SP | Touki Toussaint | |
CF | Alek Thomas | Bullpen | ||
RF | Corbin Carroll | CP | Jhoan Duran | |
DH | Druw Jones | RP | Kevin Ginkel | |
Bench | Jose Herrera | RP | Colin Poche | |
Bench | Pavin Smith | RP | Drey Jameson | |
Bench | José Caballero | RP | Andrew Chafin | |
Bench | Jordan Lawlar | RP | Andrew Saalfrank | |
Bench | Dominic Fletcher | RP | Ryne Nelson |
Hey, Daulton Varsho, you remember how you kind of became a full-time outfielder and left catching behind? Yeah, that’s over now, sorry. Our only other available catcher was a 27-year-old with a career .503 OPS, so get your mitt back, young man.
Atlanta Braves
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | William Contreras | Starters | ||
1B | Freddie Freeman | SP | Spencer Strider | |
2B | Ozzie Albies | SP | Charlie Morton | |
3B | Austin Riley | SP | Bryce Elder | |
SS | Vaughn Grissom | SP | AJ Smith-Shawver | |
LF | Ronald Acuña | SP | Kyle Wright | |
CF | Michael Harris | Bullpen | ||
RF | Jason Heyward | CP | Evan Phillips | |
DH | Ji Hwan Bae | RP | Craig Kimbrel | |
Bench | Shea Langeliers | RP | A.J. Minter | |
Bench | Joey Meneses | RP | Kolby Allard | |
Bench | Brandon Drury | RP | Alex Wood | |
Bench | Cristian Pache | RP | Lucas Sims | |
Bench | Drew Waters | RP | Ian Anderson |
The Braves have built an unstoppable Megazord offense in recent years … except they forgot to build a shortstop. It’s like if you built a self-driving car but forgot to make it sense for children. (Forget I said that.) So we’re stuck with Vaughn Grissom back at short, and being backed up by … Brandon Drury?
Baltimore Orioles
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Adley Rutschman | Starters | ||
1B | Christian Walker | SP | Kevin Gausman | |
2B | Jackson Holliday | SP | Grayson Rodriguez | |
3B | Manny Machado | SP | Eduardo Rodriguez | |
SS | Gunnar Henderson | SP | John Means | |
LF | Austin Hays | SP | DL Hall | |
CF | Cedric Mullins | Bullpen | ||
RF | Mike Yastrzemski | CP | Josh Hader | |
DH | Ryan Mountcastle | RP | Tanner Scott | |
Bench | Jonah Heim | RP | Hunter Harvey | |
Bench | Jordan Westburg | RP | Mike Baumann | |
Bench | Colton Cowser | RP | Garrett Cleavinger | |
Bench | DJ Stewart | RP | Nick Vespi | |
Bench | Joey Ortiz | RP | Keegan Akin |
It’s basically just the Orioles we have now, plus Christian Walker and Manny Machado. Nice work if you can get it.
Boston Red Sox
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Christian Vázquez | Starters | ||
1B | Triston Casas | SP | Brayan Bello | |
2B | Santiago Espinal | SP | Kutter Crawford | |
3B | Rafael Devers | SP | Frankie Montas | |
SS | Xander Bogaerts | SP | Tanner Houck | |
LF | Masataka Yoshida | SP | Michael Kopech | |
CF | Jarren Duran | Bullpen | ||
RF | Mookie Betts | CP | Ryan Pressly | |
DH | Anthony Rizzo | RP | Chris Martin | |
Bench | Kyle Teel | RP | Daniel Bard | |
Bench | Andrew Benintendi | RP | Gregory Santos | |
Bench | Yoán Moncada | RP | Gabe Speier | |
Bench | Mauricio Dubón | RP | Jalen Beeks | |
Bench | Manuel Margot | RP | Jordan Weems |
The Red Sox have utterly failed in drafting (or signing internationally) a big-time in-house starting pitcher since … Jon Lester? This offense is all well and good, but your ace is Brayan Bello, guys. (All these criticisms apply to the real 2024 Red Sox as well, to be fair.)
Chicago Cubs
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Willson Contreras | Starters | ||
1B | Kyle Schwarber | SP | Justin Steele | |
2B | Nico Hoerner | SP | Dylan Cease | |
3B | Isaac Paredes | SP | Shota Imanaga | |
SS | Javier Báez | SP | Javier Assad | |
LF | Kris Bryant | SP | Jordan Wicks | |
CF | Ian Happ | Bullpen | ||
RF | Seiya Suzuki | CP | Adbert Alzolay | |
DH | Jorge Soler | RP | Alex Lange | |
Bench | Miguel Amaya | RP | Jay Jackson | |
Bench | Jeimer Candelario | RP | Brooks Raley | |
Bench | Gleyber Torres | RP | Pierce Johnson | |
Bench | Eloy Jiménez | RP | Scott Effross | |
Bench | Christopher Morel | RP | Keegan Thompson |
In nine seasons in the big leagues, Kyle Schwarber has played 11 games and 75 total innings at first base. I’m sure it’s not that hard to learn the position, though. Tell him, Wash.
(There’s an argument for putting Schwarber at DH and letting didn’t-even-make-the-roster DJ LeMahieu or Daniel Vogelbach play first, but that would push Jorge Soler to the bench and knock Eloy Jiménez or Jeimer Candelario off the roster altogether. The Cubs have good hitters!)
Chicago White Sox
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Seby Zavala | Starters | ||
1B | José Abreu | SP | Chris Sale | |
2B | Marcus Semien | SP | Carlos Rodón | |
3B | Jake Burger | SP | Chris Bassitt | |
SS | Tim Anderson | SP | Davis Martin | |
LF | Oscar Colás | SP | Garrett Crochet | |
CF | Luis Robert | Bullpen | ||
RF | Fernando Tatis | CP | Ian Hamilton | |
DH | Andrew Vaughn | RP | Chris Devenski | |
Bench | Carlos Pérez | RP | Tanner Banks | |
Bench | Nick Madrigal | RP | Sammy Peralta | |
Bench | Gavin Sheets | RP | Bennett Sousa | |
Bench | Colson Montgomery | RP | Matt Foster | |
Bench | Alex Call | RP | Lane Ramsey |
So when Chris Sale was drafted, a lot of the smart guys said he’d end up as a reliever. Yet here he is, still starting in 2024. I think the lesson the White Sox took from that was “never draft relievers”? Because in this exercise, their closer is a 33-year-old with 8 career saves who has pitched 78.0 innings of 6.35 ERA ball the last four years.
Putting Fernando Tatis next to Luis Robert in the outfield is cool, though.
Cincinnati Reds
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Tyler Stephenson | Starters | ||
1B | Joey Votto | SP | Hunter Greene | |
2B | Matt McLain | SP | Josiah Gray | |
3B | Justin Turner | SP | Nick Lodolo | |
SS | Elly De La Cruz | SP | Andrew Abbott | |
LF | Jesse Winker | SP | Graham Ashcraft | |
CF | TJ Friedl | Bullpen | ||
RF | Nick Senzel | CP | Raisel Iglesias | |
DH | Jonathan India | RP | Alexis Díaz | |
Bench | Yasmani Grandal | RP | Robert Stephenson | |
Bench | Sal Stewart | RP | Aroldis Chapman | |
Bench | Jose Siri | RP | Wandy Peralta | |
Bench | Stuart Fairchild | RP | Michael Lorenzen | |
Bench | Jose Barrero | RP | Tyler Mahle |
This version of the Reds has the same issues as the real one — too many infielders for too few spots, a bit of an underwhelming outfield, a starting rotation that is an arm away from being an arm away. That said, woo boy that bullpen would paper over a lot of issues.
Cleveland Guardians
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Yainer Diaz | Starters | ||
1B | Yandy Díaz | SP | Tanner Bibee | |
2B | Willi Castro | SP | Shane Bieber | |
3B | José Ramírez | SP | Gavin Williams | |
SS | Francisco Lindor | SP | Triston McKenzie | |
LF | Steven Kwan | SP | Aaron Civale | |
CF | Will Benson | Bullpen | ||
RF | Nolan Jones | CP | Julian Merryweather | |
DH | Anthony Santander | RP | Shawn Armstrong | |
Bench | Bo Naylor | RP | Xzavion Curry | |
Bench | Gio Urshela | RP | James Karinchak | |
Bench | Junior Caminero | RP | Nick Sandlin | |
Bench | Oscar Gonzalez | RP | J.P. Feyereisen | |
Bench | Samad Taylor | RP | Hunter Gaddis |
Near as I can tell, players named “Y. Diaz” have amassed 2,871 plate appearances in Major League Baseball. 2,869 of them (Yainer and Yandy) started out as Guardians. Dammit for screwing things up, Yennsy and Yusniel.
(Also, do you think this Cleveland offense would like to have guys like Francisco Lindor, Nolan Jones and Anthony Santander added to things? I think that.)
Colorado Rockies
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Tom Murphy | Starters | ||
1B | Hunter Goodman | SP | Jon Gray | |
2B | Brendan Rodgers | SP | Peter Lambert | |
3B | Nolan Arenado | SP | Antonio Senzatela | |
SS | Ezequiel Tovar | SP | Tyler Anderson | |
LF | Mike Tauchman | SP | Kyle Freeland | |
CF | Brenton Doyle | Bullpen | ||
RF | Charlie Blackmon | CP | Carlos Estévez | |
DH | Trevor Story | RP | Joel Payamps | |
Bench | Brian Serven | RP | Justin Lawrence | |
Bench | Garrett Hampson | RP | Sam Moll | |
Bench | Ryan McMahon | RP | Bryan Baker | |
Bench | Sam Hilliard | RP | Tyler Matzek | |
Bench | Michael Toglia | RP | Riley Pint |
I started this exercise by going down the 2024 fantasy baseball ADP list and putting players on their original rosters in order. The Rockies were the second-to-last team to get its first starter pitcher, with Jon Gray at 305. Things … didn’t exactly improve from there, and this offense is not one that’s going to paper over pitching staff deficiencies.
Detroit Tigers
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | James McCann | Starters | ||
1B | Spencer Torkelson | SP | Tarik Skubal | |
2B | Colt Keith | SP | Justin Verlander | |
3B | Eugenio Suárez | SP | Casey Mize | |
SS | Willy Adames | SP | Jackson Jobe | |
LF | Avisaíl García | SP | Matt Manning | |
CF | Parker Meadows | Bullpen | ||
RF | Riley Greene | CP | Gregory Soto | |
DH | Nick Castellanos | RP | Jason Foley | |
Bench | Dillon Dingler | RP | Joe Mantiply | |
Bench | Kody Clemens | RP | Drew Smyly | |
Bench | Jace Jung | RP | Joe Jiménez | |
Bench | Kerry Carpenter | RP | Buck Farmer | |
Bench | José Azocar | RP | John Schreiber |
Did you remember Willy Adames started out as a Tiger? Traded in a deal that included Austin Jackson and David Price almost 10 years ago now! He was 19! Man, baseball ages are weird.
Houston Astros
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Jake Rogers | Starters | ||
1B | Abraham Toro | SP | Framber Valdez | |
2B | Jose Altuve | SP | Cristian Javier | |
3B | Alex Bregman | SP | Hunter Brown | |
SS | Carlos Correa | SP | José Urquidy | |
LF | Teoscar Hernández | SP | Patrick Sandoval | |
CF | George Springer | Bullpen | ||
RF | Kyle Tucker | CP | Bryan Abreu | |
DH | J.D. Martinez | RP | Corbin Martin | |
Bench | Garrett Stubbs | RP | Adrian Houser | |
Bench | Kiké Hernández | RP | Brandon Bielak | |
Bench | Jeremy Peña | RP | Jordan Lyles | |
Bench | Myles Straw | RP | Luis García | |
Bench | Chas McCormick | RP | Ronel Blanco |
This roster is a bunch of guys who have been on one or both of the Astros’ World Series teams, but man, how is a team this dynastic stuck with Jake Rogers and Abraham Toro at catcher and first base? Weird. But man, that outfield/DH group is gonna hiiiiiit.
Kansas City Royals
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Salvador Perez | Starters | ||
1B | Vinnie Pasquantino | SP | Sean Manaea | |
2B | Michael Massey | SP | Matt Strahm | |
3B | Mike Moustakas | SP | Brady Singer | |
SS | Bobby Witt | SP | Scott Alexander | |
LF | MJ Melendez | SP | Zack Greinke | |
CF | Esteury Ruiz | Bullpen | ||
RF | Whit Merrifield | CP | Jason Adam | |
DH | Ryan O’Hearn | RP | Alec Marsh | |
Bench | Freddy Fermin | RP | Robert Garcia | |
Bench | Maikel Garcia | RP | Carlos Hernández | |
Bench | Nicky Lopez | RP | Kris Bubic | |
Bench | Kyle Isbel | RP | Daniel Lynch IV | |
Bench | Nick Pratto | RP | Jakob Junis |
I mentioned above how the Rockies were the second-to-last team to get its first starter. Here’s your last, with the Royals landing Sean Manaea and then having to dive even deeper for guys who are barely starters or barely even big-leaguers (here’s hoping you get one more year, Zack Greinke).
Los Angeles Angels
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Martín Maldonado | Starters | ||
1B | Nolan Schanuel | SP | Shohei Ohtani | |
2B | David Fletcher | SP | Kyle Bradish | |
3B | Michael Stefanic | SP | Reid Detmers | |
SS | Zach Neto | SP | Griffin Canning | |
LF | Taylor Ward | SP | Chase Silseth | |
CF | Brandon Marsh | Bullpen | ||
RF | Mike Trout | CP | Will Smith | |
DH | Shohei Ohtani | RP | Ben Joyce | |
Bench | Matt Thaiss | RP | Ryan Brasier | |
Bench | Randal Grichuk | RP | Keynan Middleton | |
Bench | Jo Adell | RP | Andrew Wantz | |
Bench | Jahmai Jones | RP | José Suarez | |
Bench | C.J. Cron | RP | Patrick Corbin | |
RP | John McMillon |
I unretired C.J. Cron for this exercise, because the Angels kind of forced my hand with their organizational ineptitude. And it’s a good thing we can un-injure guys as well, because that underwhelming rotation minus Shohei Ohtani and Kyle Bradish would be even underwhelming-er.
Los Angeles Dodgers
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Will Smith | Starters | ||
1B | Yordan Alvarez | SP | Yoshinobu Yamamoto | |
2B | Gavin Lux | SP | Walker Buehler | |
3B | Zach McKinstry | SP | Nathan Eovaldi | |
SS | Corey Seager | SP | Clayton Kershaw | |
LF | Alex Verdugo | SP | Kenta Maeda | |
CF | Cody Bellinger | Bullpen | ||
RF | Joc Pederson | CP | Kenley Jansen | |
DH | Carlos Santana | RP | Dean Kremer | |
Bench | Keibert Ruiz | RP | Scott Barlow | |
Bench | Oneil Cruz | RP | Yimi García | |
Bench | James Outman | RP | Josh Sborz | |
Bench | Kyle Farmer | RP | Caleb Ferguson | |
Bench | Michael Busch | RP | Ryan Pepiot |
I love putting Yordan Alvarez on the Dodgers in Immaculate Grid, just because it’s hilarious to imagine adding that bat to the teams they’ve had the last few years. It doesn’t work quite as well here with no Mookie Betts or Freddie Freeman or Shohei Ohtani, but still, they traded that guy for Josh Fields. Come on.
Also funny? The Dodgers’ pitching was so stacked that guys like Bobby Miller, Emmet Sheehan, Dustin May and Ross Stripling (and Julio Urías, but I tried to avoid guys like him because this is for fun and he isn’t fun) didn’t even make the roster. The Royals are out here Sean Manaea-ing, while the Dodgers’ Triple-A rotation would be an MLB playoff team.
Miami Marlins
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | J.T. Realmuto | Starters | ||
1B | Josh Naylor | SP | Eury Pérez | |
2B | Jose Salas | SP | Braxton Garrett | |
3B | Jacob Berry | SP | Edward Cabrera | |
SS | Yiddi Cappe | SP | Andrew Heaney | |
LF | Marcell Ozuna | SP | Max Meyer | |
CF | Mark Canha | Bullpen | ||
RF | Christian Yelich | CP | Félix Bautista | |
DH | Giancarlo Stanton | RP | Alex Vesia | |
Bench | Nick Fortes | RP | Andrew Nardi | |
Bench | Austin Nola | RP | Chris Paddack | |
Bench | JJ Bleday | RP | Michael King | |
Bench | Stone Garrett | RP | Trevor Rogers | |
Bench | Brock Vradenburg | RP | José Quijada |
Phenomenal outfield. Excellent catcher. Good pitching staff, if we’re just granting health. Good bullpen, especially if some of these now-converted starters really let it loose in short outings. And who’s playing infield for this juggernaut? Maybe you!
Milwaukee Brewers
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Jeferson Quero | Starters | ||
1B | Mitch Haniger | SP | Corbin Burnes | |
2B | Brice Turang | SP | Brandon Woodruff | |
3B | Tyler Black | SP | Reese Olson | |
SS | Orlando Arcia | SP | Drew Rasmussen | |
LF | Sal Frelick | SP | Aaron Ashby | |
CF | Trent Grisham | Bullpen | ||
RF | Jackson Chourio | CP | Devin Williams | |
DH | Joey Wiemer | RP | Jorge López | |
Bench | David Fry | RP | Peter Strzelecki | |
Bench | Robert Moore | RP | Ethan Small | |
Bench | Brock Wilken | RP | Abner Uribe | |
Bench | Garrett Mitchell | RP | Jacob Misiorowski | |
Bench | Cooper Hummel | RP | Brent Suter |
Another team that just hasn’t really done much at first base the last few years. But maybe Mitch Haniger can stay healthier there instead of roaming the outfield.
Minnesota Twins
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Mitch Garver | Starters | ||
1B | Spencer Steer | SP | Bailey Ober | |
2B | Luis Arraez | SP | José Berríos | |
3B | Jorge Polanco | SP | Louie Varland | |
SS | Royce Lewis | SP | Tyler Wells | |
LF | Aaron Hicks | SP | Kyle Gibson | |
CF | Byron Buxton | Bullpen | ||
RF | Max Kepler | CP | Yennier Cano | |
DH | LaMonte Wade | RP | Brusdar Graterol | |
Bench | Ryan Jeffers | RP | Taylor Rogers | |
Bench | Christian Encarnacion-Strand | RP | Liam Hendriks | |
Bench | Brent Rooker | RP | Griffin Jax | |
Bench | Edouard Julien | RP | Huascar Ynoa | |
Bench | Jose Miranda | RP | Caleb Thielbar |
The Reds aren’t really sure how to deploy Spencer Steer and Christian Encarnacion-Strand in real life. The Twins have a similar problem here. They also have an elite bench, one strong enough that Alex Kirilloff, Akil Baddoo and Brooks Lee can’t crack the roster. And that’s good, because the rotation is somewhat less impressive.
New York Mets
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Francisco Alvarez | Starters | ||
1B | Pete Alonso | SP | Kodai Senga | |
2B | Jeff McNeil | SP | Jacob deGrom | |
3B | Brett Baty | SP | Seth Lugo | |
SS | Andrés Giménez | SP | José Quintana | |
LF | Jarred Kelenic | SP | Steven Matz | |
CF | Brandon Nimmo | Bullpen | ||
RF | Michael Conforto | CP | Paul Sewald | |
DH | Mark Vientos | RP | Allan Winans | |
Bench | Endy Rodríguez | RP | David Peterson | |
Bench | Wilmer Flores | RP | Adam Kolarek | |
Bench | Luis Guillorme | RP | Rafael Montero | |
Bench | Amed Rosario | RP | Chris Flexen | |
Bench | Pete Crow-Armstrong | RP | Tylor Megill |
I maintain that it’s going to be very mean forcing the Mets to watch Jarred Kelenic join the Braves and spend the next 10 years being who we always thought he’d be right in their own division, but also we all know that’s what is going to happen.
Anyway, this roster is solidly “fine” everywhere and “oh wow, that’s great” almost nowhere.
New York Yankees
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Austin Wells | Starters | ||
1B | Jake Cave | SP | Jordan Montgomery | |
2B | Thairo Estrada | SP | Nestor Cortes | |
3B | Ezequiel Duran | SP | Luis Severino | |
SS | Anthony Volpe | SP | Clarke Schmidt | |
LF | Jasson Domínguez | SP | Garrett Whitlock | |
CF | Estevan Florial | Bullpen | ||
RF | Aaron Judge | CP | David Robertson | |
DH | Miguel Andujar | RP | John Brebbia | |
Bench | Gary Sánchez | RP | Chase Hampton | |
Bench | Jorge Mateo | RP | Tommy Kahnle | |
Bench | Diego Castillo | RP | Ken Waldichuk | |
Bench | Oswaldo Cabrera | RP | Giovanny Gallegos | |
Bench | Rob Refsnyder | RP | Jhony Brito |
Lest you think I ever have an original idea, the immortal Grant Brisbee did this idea eight years ago, in which he opined that the Yankees’ history of success works against them in this exercise, because having a late draft pick every year makes it hard to draft elite players. That appears to still be very true!
Oakland Athletics
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Sean Murphy | Starters | ||
1B | Matt Olson | SP | Sonny Gray | |
2B | Zack Gelof | SP | Mason Miller | |
3B | Matt Chapman | SP | Shintaro Fujinami | |
SS | Jonah Bride | SP | Hogan Harris | |
LF | Seth Brown | SP | A.J. Puk | |
CF | Lawrence Butler | Bullpen | ||
RF | Dairon Blanco | CP | Kyle Finnegan | |
DH | Max Muncy | RP | Daniel Palencia | |
Bench | Tyler Soderstrom | RP | Blake Treinen | |
Bench | Ryan Noda | RP | Zack Kelly | |
Bench | Max Stassi | RP | Seth Martinez | |
Bench | Jordan Diaz | RP | Dylan Covey | |
Bench | Alfonso Rivas | RP | Jack Cushing |
Their only shortstop has never played the position in the big leagues and was traded in February for “cash considerations.” Their bullpen doesn’t include any names I made up, but I bet I could convince you otherwise. Their starting rotation includes A.J. Puk, who has never started a game in the big leagues. But hey, Matt Olson, Matt Chapman and Max Muncy are back!
Philadelphia Phillies
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Travis d’Arnaud | Starters | ||
1B | Rhys Hoskins | SP | Aaron Nola | |
2B | Curtis Mead | SP | Ranger Suárez | |
3B | Alec Bohm | SP | Andrew Painter | |
SS | J.P. Crawford | SP | Cole Irvin | |
LF | Johan Rojas | SP | Carlos Carrasco | |
CF | Mickey Moniak | Bullpen | ||
RF | Matt Vierling | CP | Orion Kerkering | |
DH | Darick Hall | RP | Hector Neris | |
Bench | Rafael Marchán | RP | Seranthony Domínguez | |
Bench | Bryson Stott | RP | James McArthur | |
Bench | Nick Maton | RP | Mick Abel | |
Bench | Jon Singleton | RP | Mark Leiter | |
Bench | Hao-Yu Lee | RP | JoJo Romero |
Just a weirdly underwhelming outfield for a team that is more or less fine at all the other positions. Right? It’s weird, right?
Pittsburgh Pirates
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Henry Davis | Starters | ||
1B | Josh Bell | SP | Gerrit Cole | |
2B | Adam Frazier | SP | Tyler Glasnow | |
3B | Ke’Bryan Hayes | SP | Mitch Keller | |
SS | Pablo Reyes | SP | Shane Baz | |
LF | Andrew McCutchen | SP | Jameson Taillon | |
CF | Starling Marte | Bullpen | ||
RF | Harold Ramírez | CP | Clay Holmes | |
DH | Connor Joe | RP | Max Kranick | |
Bench | Elias Díaz | RP | Paul Skenes | |
Bench | Rodolfo Castro | RP | JT Brubaker | |
Bench | Jared Triolo | RP | Justin Topa | |
Bench | Blake Sabol | RP | Osvaldo Bido | |
Bench | Nick Gonzales | RP | Carmen Mlodzinski |
A rotation of Cole-Glasnow-Keller-Baz-Taillon, with Holmes closing and Skenes making his debut, would be a playoff contender. And it’s all in support of an aging outfield and something called a “Pablo Reyes” at shortstop.
St. Louis Cardinals
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Iván Herrera | Starters | ||
1B | Patrick Wisdom | SP | Zac Gallen | |
2B | Tommy Edman | SP | Lance Lynn | |
3B | Nolan Gorman | SP | Michael Wacha | |
SS | Masyn Winn | SP | Jack Flaherty | |
LF | Randy Arozarena | SP | Sandy Alcantara | |
CF | Adolis García | Bullpen | ||
RF | Jordan Walker | CP | Ryan Helsley | |
DH | Lars Nootbaar | RP | Jordan Hicks | |
Bench | Carson Kelly | RP | Adam Ottavino | |
Bench | Brendan Donovan | RP | Joe Kelly | |
Bench | Aledmys Díaz | RP | Zack Thompson | |
Bench | Dylan Carlson | RP | Austin Gomber | |
Bench | Alec Burleson | RP | Johan Oviedo |
Just a hilarious roster. We’re reuniting Randy Arozarena and Adolis García and absolutely forcing a Hard Knocks-style reality show featuring those two. And while I’m not saying this team would be running away with titles or anything, somehow guys like Harrison Bader, Tommy Pham, Luke Voit and Matt Carpenter don’t even crack the roster.
San Diego Padres
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Luis Campusano | Starters | ||
1B | Ty France | SP | Max Fried | |
2B | Ha-Seong Kim | SP | Zach Eflin | |
3B | CJ Abrams | SP | MacKenzie Gore | |
SS | Trea Turner | SP | Miles Mikolas | |
LF | Jack Suwinski | SP | Colin Rea | |
CF | Travis Jankowski | Bullpen | ||
RF | Hunter Renfroe | CP | Emmanuel Clase | |
DH | Jake Bauers | RP | David Bednar | |
Bench | Ethan Salas | RP | Andrés Muñoz | |
Bench | Luis Urías | RP | Robert Suarez | |
Bench | James Wood | RP | Yuki Matsui | |
Bench | Jackson Merrill | RP | Woo-Suk Go | |
Bench | Gabriel Arias | RP | Matt Brash |
I didn’t tally this, but the Padres have to be the leader in “guys in our imaginary rosters who did not actually play for the team in 2023.” Between all the trades they’ve made over the years and the still-to-come prospects like Jackson Merrill and Ethan Salas (and so many relievers signed this offseason), there’s almost no overlap between the real Padres and these.
San Francisco Giants
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Patrick Bailey | Starters | ||
1B | Adam Duvall | SP | Zack Wheeler | |
2B | Marco Luciano | SP | Luis Castillo | |
3B | David Villar | SP | Logan Webb | |
SS | Brandon Crawford | SP | Kyle Harrison | |
LF | Bryan Reynolds | SP | Keaton Winn | |
CF | Jung Hoo Lee | Bullpen | ||
RF | Luis Matos | CP | Camilo Doval | |
DH | Austin Slater | RP | Tyler Rogers | |
Bench | Joey Bart | RP | Jonathan Loáisiga | |
Bench | Casey Schmitt | RP | Chris Stratton | |
Bench | Alexander Canario | RP | Ryan Walker | |
Bench | Wade Meckler | RP | Mason Black | |
Bench | Pablo Sandoval | RP | Steven Okert |
Maybe Ron Washington can have a “so your team never develops a first baseman and that means you, an outfielder, will learn the position now” seminar, because Adam Duvall is our latest entrant. And while the Giants sport a perfectly fine pitching staff, yes, we had to dive far enough that Pablo Sandoval makes our roster (still only 37!).
Seattle Mariners
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Cal Raleigh | Starters | ||
1B | Ji Man Choi | SP | Pablo López | |
2B | Luis Rengifo | SP | George Kirby | |
3B | Noelvi Marte | SP | Freddy Peralta | |
SS | Ketel Marte | SP | Logan Gilbert | |
LF | Tyler O’Neill | SP | Bryce Miller | |
CF | Julio Rodríguez | Bullpen | ||
RF | Chris Taylor | CP | Edwin Díaz | |
DH | Cade Marlowe | RP | Emilio Pagán | |
Bench | Harry Ford | RP | Andrew Kittredge | |
Bench | Austin Shenton | RP | Zack Littell | |
Bench | Jonatan Clase | RP | Ryan Yarbrough | |
Bench | Kaden Polcovich | RP | Bryan Woo | |
Bench | Tyler Locklear | RP | JP Sears |
I could have given this Mariners team something like 20 pitchers, had I been so inclined. Meanwhile, I was diving to something like my 1,200th players in this exercise to find their backup hitters. The starting lineup is fine enough, but the bench is “Please please please don’t get hurt, starting lineup.”
Tampa Bay Rays
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | René Pinto | Starters | ||
1B | Nathaniel Lowe | SP | Blake Snell | |
2B | Brandon Lowe | SP | Joe Ryan | |
3B | Jake Cronenworth | SP | Merrill Kelly | |
SS | Taylor Walls | SP | Shane McClanahan | |
LF | Jake Fraley | SP | Taj Bradley | |
CF | Kevin Kiermaier | Bullpen | ||
RF | Josh Lowe | CP | José Alvarado | |
DH | Kyle Manzardo | RP | Dylan Floro | |
Bench | Luke Maile | RP | Kirby Yates | |
Bench | Miles Mastrobuoni | RP | Cristopher Sánchez | |
Bench | Jesús Sánchez | RP | Josh Fleming | |
Bench | Carson Williams | RP | Matt Moore | |
Bench | Jonathan Aranda | RP | Matthew Liberatore |
A total monopoly on “guys named Lowe.” A host of good pitchers. A team that wouldn’t have anything like an MVP candidate but would still win 94 games and then lose in the ALDS. Checks out.
Texas Rangers
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Jose Trevino | Starters | ||
1B | Ramón Urías | SP | Cole Ragans | |
2B | Dylan Moore | SP | Yu Darvish | |
3B | Josh Jung | SP | Jeffrey Springs | |
SS | Isiah Kiner-Falefa | SP | Nick Martinez | |
LF | Evan Carter | SP | Kyle Hendricks | |
CF | Leody Taveras | Bullpen | ||
RF | Wyatt Langford | CP | Pete Fairbanks | |
DH | Joey Gallo | RP | José Leclerc | |
Bench | Sam Huff | RP | Erik Swanson | |
Bench | Justin Foscue | RP | Luke Jackson | |
Bench | Thomas Saggese | RP | Martín Pérez | |
Bench | Jurickson Profar | RP | Dillon Tate | |
Bench | Bubba Thompson | RP | Owen White |
I joked last year that the Rangers don’t really draft that many infielders who pan out. I didn’t realize how right I was about that. The bullpen here is pretty fine, the outfield even moreso (and we might get to see that outfield in real life in much of 2024!), but we’re doing some real finagling on the right side of the infield, and the pitching staff drops off in a hurry.
Toronto Blue Jays
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Gabriel Moreno | Starters | ||
1B | Vladimir Guerrero | SP | Joe Musgrove | |
2B | Jon Berti | SP | Marcus Stroman | |
3B | Cavan Biggio | SP | Alek Manoah | |
SS | Bo Bichette | SP | Ricky Tiedemann | |
LF | Lourdes Gurriel | SP | Anthony DeSclafani | |
CF | Lane Thomas | Bullpen | ||
RF | Austin Martin | CP | Jordan Romano | |
DH | Rowdy Tellez | RP | Jeff Hoffman | |
Bench | Alejandro Kirk | RP | Tim Mayza | |
Bench | Davis Schneider | RP | Kendall Graveman | |
Bench | Spencer Horwitz | RP | Miguel Castro | |
Bench | Joshua Palacios | RP | Ryan Borucki | |
Bench | Danny Jansen | RP | Nate Pearson |
Catcher University, for one thing. Yan Gomes didn’t make our roster, and while he’s not exactly a superstar, there are a lot of teams here who would love to have him. Also, did you remember Joe Musgrove started as a Blue Jay? Traded 12 years ago! The trade included guys like Francisco Cordero, Asher Wojciechowski, J.A. Happ and Brandon Lyon, so it’s a Remember Some Guys All-Star Team.
Washington Nationals
Hitters | Pitchers | |||
C | Israel Pineda | Starters | ||
1B | Bryce Harper | SP | Jesús Luzardo | |
2B | Luis García | SP | Nick Pivetta | |
3B | Anthony Rendon | SP | Lucas Giolito | |
SS | Darren Baker | SP | Robbie Ray | |
LF | Jake Alu | SP | Dane Dunning | |
CF | Victor Robles | Bullpen | ||
RF | Juan Soto | CP | Reynaldo López | |
DH | Carter Kieboom | RP | Pedro Avila | |
Bench | Dylan Crews | RP | Jake Irvin | |
Bench | Yohandy Morales | RP | Joan Adon | |
Bench | Blake Perkins | RP | Jose Ferrer | |
Bench | Brady House | RP | Erick Fedde | |
Bench | Jackson Cluff | RP | Cade Cavalli |
I was this close to moving Bryce Harper back to catcher for this exercise before I finally found Israel Pineda, who played four games last year. Only catcher in Washington. Also, Darren Baker, a 25-year-old minor leaguer who has never played shortstop professionally and is most famous for J.T. Snow saving his life in the 2002 World Series, is our shortstop … unless it’s 27-year-old Jackson Cluff, who has a .647 career OPS in 304 minor-league games.